It’s been more than a year since I last posted in this space. Life has been busy, and generally not artistically, just busy. I lost a dear friend this year, and with her passing I somehow lost a lot of inspirational fuel as well. Unexpected. Health. Aging. Mortality. Just the usual “human stuff” getting in the way of creative work, and here I am – more than a year later, with very little to show for it.

My last notable time spent in the studio was last November. I spent that working on an unfinished piece, “Toxicity”, and had this to say about it:

So this seems to be “the thing that’s been holding me back” in some subtle way; unfinished, and staring back at me in a mocking way, as if to say “you still can’t get past this one, and fuck you for thinking you could”. She’s the face of my chaos and damage. She’s the face of every abusive relationship, every stupid confrontation, every bit of seemingly senseless drama where my rather face-value take on things sometimes leaves me missing some obvious bit of imminent drama that plays to someone else’s sheet music. She’s the hidden agenda. She’s the pointless lie. She’s the temptation that destroys. She’s even the demon within me seeking more bad company to pull me from my better path. She’s the unaddressed past. She’s the poison we deliver to ourselves. She’s the pretty package that is empty inside. She’s “Toxicity”. 

She’s not yet finished. The distortions to the mask were a bit of work, and I stalled shortly after I figured that out – which was sometime ago! Seems so long ago now, and carrying this burden has been… heavy. I’ve quite a lot more to do with this one, but working on it takes a bit out of me every time, as if I am exorcising this demon as I work. She is entirely inspired by ______, although she’s come to represent so much more as I have continued down my path, taking my own internal journey, and working through my bullshit. 11 x 14, mixed media on canvas with glow, tiny coins, molded plastic… and eventually a crown of shards of glass (no kidding – but I found some suitable broken float glass that had been “wave tumbled” and I think it’s a good choice), and some metallic strands of tightly coiled fine wire for hair. Being patient enough to let the glow gel around those coins dry today is hard, but I still need to figure out things like attaching the glass and the wire, and also decide whether the assorted small keys for earrings is too much… but… she’s been a key to so many things, and truly holding me back…so… it fits, yeah? And also… fuck this bitch – and the one who inspired her.

I wrote those words to my departed friend, and it seems a lifetime ago, now. It has been a long while. I’d nearly finished the work on this piece, hopeful I’d exorcised this demon, when my friend passed. Suddenly, it was too late to share new work, too late for deep conversations about life, or art, or anything at all. I found myself entirely stalled and began sloppily using my studio for storage space.

I think I’ve gotten myself sorted out now, and ready to tackle new work. I definitely want to. The challenge? I don’t at all want to do what I’ve done before. I’m hungry for something really new, really different.

Going through boxes and things and getting the studio in order for creative work to come, I found an old cigar box with some odds and ends art supplies in it, tucked in a corner of a drawer, forgotten.

Pastels and colored pencils, barely used at all.

I feel inspired again…

A pivot to an entirely new medium is no small thing, and I’ve no idea where this will take my work. My studio needs an overhaul with this change in mind, so I’ll be taking a look at work currently in storage (unsold) and developing a plan to thin that out through some kind of sale, very soon.